Category: Application

After a busy moving home time, finally, I can sit down and write a new post again. So in the past two weeks, I spent much time moving home. Besides, I read roughly two books called “The body is not an Apology” by New Yorker writer Sonya Renee Taylor and “i want to die but i want to eat tteokbokki” by Korean writer Baek Sehee. They are two different books. For me, “The body is not an Apology” is like a big sister encouraging you don’t be ashamed of your body that doesn’t conform to society’s aesthetic standards. You are a member of the human community and have an equal right to love and be loved. However, “i want to die but i want to eat tteokbokki” is more like a young girl describing the pain she suffered growing up, particularly the traditional East Asian family environment as the root cause of her depression and anxiety. As an Asia woman, I feel it relates to my growing-up experience.

Before reading those two books, I watched an academic documentary called “Sources of Cultural Differences between China and the West”, a lecture by Professor Wang Defeng, School of Philosophy at Fudan University, in 2014. (“中西方文化差异的渊源” 复旦大学哲学学院王德峰教授，2014). Like the lecture title, Professor Wang explained the essential differences between Chinese and Western cultures from a historical perspective. I made a diagram to show some key points he mentioned in the lecture.

I watched Professor Wang’s lecture because I made a questionnaire to search for knowledge of eating disorders in Chinese social groups. In the questionnaire, I used some interrogative questions to complete my research, but I still need to get satisfactory results from this questionnaire. For many people, “eating disorder” is an unfamiliar word, a direct translation from English, making people feel that this is a rigid questionnaire. So I decided to step back and look for the underlying logic of the differences between Chinese and Western cultures.

After watch finished the lecture, I thought maybe I should think of “eating disorders” as a phenomenon rather than a mental illness. I should be thinking about why people infuse their emotions into their food. I want to back to “FOOD” rather than seek the entire thing. So for my next intervention, I want to do a barter game where I start by inviting people to share their stories with me about their food and I’ll give back an illustration. At the end of the day, I want to bring these stories and illustrations together as a healing piece of work. So for my next intervention, I want to do a barter game where I start by inviting people to share their stories with me about their food and I’ll give back an illustration. At the end of the day, I want to bring these stories and illustrations together as a healing piece of work.

Back to the books -“The Body is not an Apology” and “i want to die but i want to eat tteokbokki”. I feel the cultural difference between Asia and the Western world through reading. Compared with Westerners, Asian people are more subtle, and very few of us will say our love outright, and we prefer to use third-point-of-view stories to illustrate thoughts and love, which are more like fables. This is another reason I want to collect people’s food stories in my next intervention cause it seems more acceptable among Chinese society groups.

This week, I had a tutorial with Zuleika. In this tutorial, I figure out my further plan for the project. First, I describe the two interventions and references I’ve read since the independent study period started, which are <EAT FAT> and <The Eating Disorder Sourcebook>. Also, I mentioned I’m reading <The Art Therapies>.

Zuleika asked me: “What’s your question?” I type, ” How to design an art therapy for the Chinese eating disorders group from 16-30?” I choose this age group because, at this age, people can start to realise they got an eating disorder. Also, in China, several people up to 40 probably don’t know what eating disorders are. It comes from my experience and early interviews with the eating disorders group. Zuleika suggested I need more references to support this theory. And it seems I am more interested in “Why Chinese people got eating disorders” than “Art therapy of eating disorders.” I will figure it out.

Could you write down the project question 20 times?

• How to create art therapies for Chinese eating disorder groups from 16-30?
• How about the Chinese eating disorders group from 16-30?
• Why do Chinese people have eating disorders?
• What’s different between Chinese and Western eating disorders?
• Does the traditional Chinese family culture cause Chinese eating disorders?
• Does the beautification standards affect Chinese eating disorders?
• Does the beautification standards affect Chinese female eating disorders?
• Why Chinese female have eating disorders?
• The female beautification practices are part of eating disorders or eating disorders are part of female beautification practices?
• Which forms of family relationships are more likely to cause eating disorders?
• Does traditional Chinese family authority create eating disorders?
• What is the social significance of food anyway?
• Does Paternity produce female beautification practices?
• Why food has so many meaning?
• Why can food represent human emotions?
• What’s the healing power of food?
• …

Zuleika recommends the term “Fatphobia” and the book “The Body is Not An Apology” by Sonya Renee Taylor.

The “Fatphobid” means:

The social stigma of obesity is broadly defined as bias or discriminatory behaviours targeted at overweight and obese individuals because of their weight and high body fat percentage. Such social stigmas can span one's entire life, as long as excess weight is present, starting from a young age and lasting into adulthood. Studies also indicate overweight and obese individuals experience higher levels of stigma than others.

In addition, they marry less often, experience fewer educational and career opportunities, and earn less than normal-weight individuals on average. Although public support regarding disability services, civil rights, and anti-workplace discrimination laws for obese individuals have gained support over the years, overweight and obese individuals still experience discrimination, which may have detrimental implications for physiological and psychological health. These issues are compounded by the significant negative physiological effects already associated with obesity, which some have proposed may be caused by stress from the social stigma of obesity rather than from obesity per se.

Anti-fat bias refers to prejudicial assumptions based on assessing a person as being overweight or obese. It is also known as "fat shaming" or "fatphobia". Anti-fat bias can be found in many facets of society, and fat activists commonly blame mass media and popular culture for the pervasiveness of this phenomenon.

Also, I created a questionnaire-“A survey on understanding of eating disorders by Chinese contemporary social groups“. In this questionnaire, I set up a split survey, targeting the eating disorder group in China and the people around them so that I can better understand the current situation.

 The questionnaire received 96 simple. Most participants were from the Southeast Coast in China. 50% were aware of eating disorders, 7% had suffered from or were experiencing an eating disorder, and 15.62% were unsure if they had an eating disorder. In the eating disorder group questionnaire, with a sample of 22, 59% were unwilling to tell others that they had an eating disorder, but 64% were ready to receive professional treatment.

In contrast, in the questionnaire for the non-eating disorder group, 79.73% did not know if a family member or friend had an eating disorder, and 13.51% were unsure if a family member or friend had an eating disorder. However, they would support their family members or friends to have professional psychotherapy and listen to them. This questionnaire demonstrates the potential for eating disorders to become more widespread in China. 

Facing the Eating disorder group.

Facing the people around the Eating disorder group.

The questionnaire shows that eating disorders are a social phenomenon in Chinese society. After thought, I found out my most interesting point is people’s knowledge and attitudes around the eating disorder group rather than eating disorders themselves. According to data, most people have a vague idea of this mental state but can’t fully understand it. The Chinese term “eating disorder” is a direct translation of the English term, an academic term of Western medical origin that is unfamiliar and does not bring emotional or cultural relevance to the Chinese people. At the same time, In my previous research, I was too obsessed with studying eating disorders, which also filled my psyche with pain and anguish. Therefore, after receiving the results of this survey, I wanted to learn more about people’s attitudes towards food. When people can’t understand why people with eating disorders make eating painful, I was more interested in understanding the multiplicity of emotions behind food.

“A Lot of Money to Seek Mother” (重金求母) is a performance art by Chinese artist Yaqi Zou (邹雅琦). She hired seven women as her mum for 21 days at ¥3000 (£325) per person. The series continues, with three mothers appearing so far.

I was very much touched by the second mother’s episode. In one scene, Yaqi takes off all her clothes in front of the mother, and then explains to the character of the “mother” how the “daughter”, as an individual, should deal with this close but fading relationship as she grows up. She was always complimented on her slim figure by people around her. Her clothes were always only extra small sizes. She always thought I should look like her. I always looked out of place against her, the main pitfall planted in my early childhood to trigger an eating disorder. I was always in love with her. But when I was a teenager, I also hated her with respect.

Scene from “A Lot of Money to Seek Mother”

By Yaqi Zou：

"This should be the first time you've seen me as an adult woman. This is my front, my back, and my side profile. And then, my hair, soft and long. I also have a very beautiful face. But I believe my face is the result of combinations in this world, not entirely your creation.

My shoulder width is about 39, my bust is 85, my hips are 97, and my head circumference is 57. These are my hands, my fingers, and my arms. I have removed almost all the hair from my body. This is my face; the only thing I've done is to get a 20U jaw angle, so I have a narrower jawline. Apart from that, I love my waist, the muscles under my fat, my hips, and my legs. I have always been told that my legs are thick since I was little, and I don't hide or care about being scrutinized about my body. I am satisfied with it, and I am satisfied with myself.

But this is the first time I am showing you how I look like. You must feel very unfamiliar, and I'm sure it's different from what you imagined. You and I are undoubtedly two completely different individuals. We are entirely different. I don't know if you like me - my body and my thoughts.

What did I look like when I was a child? It must be completely different from now, but I don't remember anymore, but you must remember. I am very, very good at makeup, and I started wearing makeup since junior high school. I only recently started enjoying sports. My body fat percentage is not too low; it's 24%, and my muscle percentage is 71%. This is my skin, my muscles, and my bones that make me up. My genes come from you, but I must look unexpected. My youth, my beauty, my muscles, they don't come entirely from you. You and I are both the creations of the creator and the mother of the earth; I'm just produced by using your body, not created by you. So I don't belong to you, and my youth is not exchanged for yours. I don't owe you. I heard that when I was in grandma's belly, I was already growing in your ovaries. A long, long time ago, we were both grandma's children. You and grandma are also the children of grandma's mother.

Your past was me, and I will also become you. Does time take away or give?

What I want to say is, when you see me as a mother, don't be afraid, and I won't feel guilty anymore. The body you see in front of you is not entirely your creation, and it doesn't belong to you either. The relationship between us doesn't seem so close; I haven't figured out these questions yet. But I know it's time to show you who I am.

No matter what, you are beautiful to me now, and I hope you can recognize my beauty too. I hope you can be honest. You don't have to praise me, but you don't have to reject me either.

This is how I look, and I didn't take it away from you. I haven't figured out many questions yet, I hate you mum, but I also love you."

邹雅琦：

这应该是你第一次，见到作为成年女性的我。这是我的正面，和我的背面，和我的侧面。然后，我的头发，柔软并且很长。我也有非常好看的脸。但是我认为我的脸是这个世界上排列组合而产生的，并非全的都是你的作品。

我的肩宽大概是39，我的胸围是85，臀围是97，头围是57.这是我的手，我的手指，我的手臂。我做了几乎全身的除毛。这是我的脸，我唯一在脸上动过的是，我有打20U的下颌缘，所以我有一个收窄的下颌角。除此之外，我很喜欢我的腰，我的脂肪地下的腹肌，我的臀我的腿。一直以来，从小到大都会被说我的腿很粗，我也毫不避讳，也毫不在乎被审视我的身体。我对它很满意，我对自己很满意。

但这是我第一次在你面前给你看我的样子，你一定感到很陌生吧，一定和你想象中有区别吧。我和你肯定是完全不同的两个个体，我们完全不一样，我不知道你是否喜欢我- 我的身体和我的思想。

我小时候是什么样子的呢？和现在也完全不一样吧，我也不记得了，但是你一定记得吧。我非常非常擅长化妆，然后从初中的时候就开始化妆了。我最近才开始享受运动，我的体脂率稍微不算太低，呃，是24%，肌肉率是71%。这是我的皮肤，我的肌肉，我的骨骼组成了我。我的基因来源于你，但是一定是你出乎意料的样子。我的青春我的美我的肌肉，他们并不完全来自于你，你和我都是造主以及大地之母的作品，只是借你的身体产生了我，并非是你创作的。所以我不属于你，我的青春也不属于你，我的青春也并不是用你的青春换来的。我并不欠你。我听说在外婆肚子里的时候，我就已经在你的卵巢里长好了。很早很早之前，我们都是外婆的孩子。你和外婆又是外婆母亲的孩子。

你的曾经是我，我也将成为你。岁月到底是夺走还是给予呢？

我想说的就是，当妈妈你看到我的时候，你不要害怕，我也不会再觉得愧疚。你现在目之所及我的身体，也不完全是你的作品，也不属于你。我们之间的关系，似乎也没有那么紧密，这些问题我还没想清楚。但是我知道是时候向你展示我。

不管怎样现在你对我来说也很美丽，希望你也可以认可我的美，希望你能坦诚地。你可以不赞美我，但是你也可以不接受。

这就是我的样子，也不是从你那里拿走的。很多问题我也没想清楚，我恨你妈妈，但是我也爱你。