I spend two weeks finishing reading “Eat Fat”, a book written by Richard Klein. Overall, Klein explores the cultural and historical perspectives surrounding fat consumption in our diets. He challenges the traditional notion that fat is inherently bad for us and argues that it has been unfairly demonised in nutrition.
Klein delves into the science behind fat metabolism and discusses how our understanding of fats has evolved. He examines the social and psychological factors that have shaped our attitudes towards fat, including the influence of the diet industry and media. Through thought-provoking analysis and research, Klein presents a compelling case for the importance of fat in our diets. He highlights the role of fats in providing essential nutrients, supporting brain function, and contributing to overall health and well-being.
Two of the most attractive chapters for me are “Introduction” (Pages 3-69) and “The Nature of Fat”(Pages 147-196).
Introduction
In “Introduction”, Richard Klein spends a lot of words explaining his opinion about the journey of fat becoming evil in our bodies. There was a passage that caught my attention:
Whereas anorexic men are increasingly being diagnosed and described, the preponderance of eating disorders is found in women. Many of those women are obeying their parents’ explicit orders or implicit wishes in a form of ironic revolt. defying their wishes, they fulfil them beyond their wildest dreams to the last literal letter of the law. So you want me to be thin, I’ll show you thin. The anorexic is a good girl, who does exactly what her parents wish, but in spades- to the death.
Richard Klein/ Eat Fat page 37
His opinion makes me realise that the common characteristic among individuals with eating disorders is excessive concern about others’ opinions, to the extent that they are willing to go to great lengths (such as extreme dieting) to meet others’ standards and gain a sense of approval. These others may include parents, colleagues, and other members of society. Because they were held hostage by some misguided values (unrealistically thin beauty standards) from a young age. Thus individuals with eating disorders do have confidence in themself.
Richard Klein lists three, widely acknowledge and generally understood as follows.
Fat is ugly. Our commitment to a certain slim ideal of human beauty is only about a century old, but it has already become second nature. It has come to seem perfectly natural to hate fat. Even the thin among us dream of dropping five or ten pounds. Losing weight, we imagine, will make us more sexy, productive, and rich. But it’s not just the commercial interest and social value we derive from our investment in thin in a world where fat girls struggle and skinny ones model. Above all, it’s our stake in an idea of beauty that compels us to want to be thin and to encourage others for example, our children- as well. In our eyes in our mind’s eve-we love the look of thin. Fat disgusts.
Fat is unhealthy. The medical-nutrition-insurance-beauty industry has for some time promoted the notion that fat kills, that the more drastically we limit it in our food and on our bodies, the more we increase our chances of longevity. Fat poisons.
Fat weighs us down, slows us up. Our progressive need for greater energy and a desire to step more lightly upon the earth seem at odds with fat. Many of those who have writ-ten about the history of fat in the twentieth century have seen the connection between the dream of thinness and the mod-er desire for greater agility, flexibility, and speed. Energy is the principal gain, it is supposed, from being thin, some kinetic enhancement that makes us more vital, more excited, more suited in our bodies for the exhilarations inspired by the modern pleasures of machine speed. This conviction persists despite the evidence, irrefutably accumulated in repeated studies, that fat people are sexier: they want more sex more often than thin people.
“Eat Fat”, published in 1997, describes a toxic diet phenomenon in American society. It was 26 years ago. Does the over-diet phenomenon disappear? Yes, it still exists. Young girls still keep judging their own bodies. And the dream figures become Kim Kardashian and Bella Hadid. People chase fashion icons or influential people. Meanwhile, a Chinese woman can be seen as a “Chinese Kim Kardashian” in China. Her name is Mengling Yi.
Kim Kardashian
Balenciaga show Paris 2022
Bella Hadid
Vogue France 2022
Mengling Yi
2022 Shanghai
Mengling Yi
2022 Shanghai for CPB
I don’t intend to compare the beauty standards of two countries; I simply want to clarify that, whether in Western or Chinese culture, people often desire an ideal body shape with graceful curves and slender legs. This is not inherently negative, but some women may excessively pursue this physique, overlooking their own health in the process.
Aesthetic standards have evolved over time, reflecting the changing trends of each era. The book’s chapter ‘Fat Beauty’ (Pages 111-146) explores how ancient Western societies once admired curvaceous Greek women but later, with the rise of Christianity, were drawn to slender Gothic actresses. From then on, aesthetic preferences transformed in response to societal demands, leading to today’s modern standards.
Similarly, in China, influenced by its early matriarchal society, the initial aesthetic standard favoured robust women. However, as patriarchal values gained prominence, the ideal shifted towards delicate, slender females. Nevertheless, witnessing a growing awareness among women worldwide is heartening, leading to the diversification of beauty ideals.
The Nature of Fat
In this chapter, Richard Klein starts with the negative impact of over-diet. Surround with this topic. He introduced the development of diet “medicine” in the US market during 20 century 90th and the so-called healthy food trap. This series of phenomena exposes the hidden class gap and the market economy’s rules behind them. Reading through the chapter, I understand the prevalence of dieting was closely linked to the marketing and economic interests of the time.
I visited London Design Biennale on 8th June in Somerset Hose. And found a really interesting exhibition which calls “BROT” in the Austria pavilion.
For the space, the small, bright room was filled with the aroma of freshly baked bread. Sunlight gently streamed through the glass arch window, glowing warmly on the people inside. The entire exhibition hall was carefully arranged, clearly showcasing the bread-making workflow. From baking machines to illustrated videos, every step was presented in detail. At the corner, there was a small DJ booth where, through headphones, one could hear the rhythmic sound of bamboo sticks tapping against sourdough bread, creating a soothing and playful ambience.
After returning home from the Biennale, I researched for this exhibition. The curator Thomas Geisler said: ” A loaf or slice of bread may seem simple, but there is a curious complexity to the matter of bread. From geopolitical contexts to microbiological processes to multi-sensory experiences, bread and bread making can open up a whole new universe and pathway for transformative design practices.”
Exhibition Poster
Site Photos
Baking Observer
Baking Machines
Bread Recital
DJ booth
“Bakers and Gatherers”
Anna Rosinke, Maciej Chmara
“Brotonists”
Anna Rosinke, Maciej Chmara
“Brotonists”
Anna Rosinke, Maciej Chmara
“Cyber Yeast“
Anna Rosinke, Maciej Chmara
The exhibition showcased the story of sourdough bread to the audience through multiple senses, including sound, aroma, imagery, and tactile experiences. It extended beyond the bread itself and delved into the contradictions between food crisis, traditional craftsmanship, and commercialization. This provided me with great inspiration. After the conclusion of the second intervention, I felt that my project had reached a stagnation point. It made me realize that besides the painting workshops, art therapy could be applied in various other ways to unleash its effects. BROT, with its demonstration of the diverse possibilities of art therapy, gave me significant inspiration for further exploration.
I arranged interviews with people who suffer from eating disorders from 2nd to 13th Feb in London. Both live meetings and online calls are used, respectively. I have invited 14 people in total. Most of them are students, female, and the age scope from 20-30.
The Interviewers List
(Translate by DeepL)
Zoey/ Age:23 / UCL MA/ ED time: 6 years/Stage: Sick-Incident
At first, I was under pressure to study and lose weight. When I was in high school, I would get a lot of compliments on my body, complimenting me on my thin legs and so on, and at that time, I was 168cm tall and weighed 52kg, which was in line with the current aesthetic standards, so I would subconsciously try to maintain my body. I would control my diet from Monday to Friday at school, but when I came home at the weekend, I would engage in overeating behaviour. By the time I was a freshman, the symptoms had worsened because I didn't like my major at the time, and I was sad when I arrived in Beijing because I wasn't used to the climate there and it got dark early, and I didn't make any friends at the time, I was on my own. One of the moments I remember the most was when I went to buy an omelette by myself, and on my way back to the dormitory, I passed by the overpass, and I just stood on the overpass and ate all the omelette by myself. I would watch food podcasts on the internet and see the vomiting bar, but I clicked on it and thought it was too painful, so I didn't vomit either.At first, I was under pressure to study and lose weight. When I was in high school, I would get a lot of compliments on my body, complimenting me on my thin legs and so on, and at that time, I was 168cm tall and weighed 52kg, which was in line with the current aesthetic standards, so I would subconsciously try to maintain my body. I would control my diet from Monday to Friday at school, but when I came home at the weekend, I would engage in overeating behaviour. By the time I was a freshman, the symptoms had worsened because I didn't like my major at the time, and I was sad when I arrived in Beijing because I wasn't used to the climate there and it got dark early, and I didn't make any friends at the time, I was on my own. One of the moments I remember the most was when I went to buy an omelette by myself, and on my way back to the dormitory, I passed by the overpass, and I just stood on the overpass and ate all the omelette by myself. I would watch food podcasts on the internet and see the vomiting bar, but I clicked on it and thought it was too painful, so I didn't vomit either.
Ruling/ Age:24 / LSE MA/ ED time:3 years/Stage: Sick
ED stems from the fact that when I was at university in China, my ex-boyfriend would say things like I was out of shape and had thick legs. Maybe he was unconscious, but I listened. I fell in love with him at first sight, so I was the one who chased him first. At the same time, one of my housemates had to start losing weight, so I went on a diet with her because two people do things better than one, so we both didn't eat dinner for a whole year and kept dropping the scales. But then, she bounced back, and I got an eating disorder. I would induce vomiting because it was a simple act. Other people might need to pick their fingers in their throat or press their tongue with a toothbrush to induce vomiting, but I didn't need to. I could bend at the waist and vomit. It was so easy for me.
When I'm alone, I feel anxious about everything around me, such as work, school, and the current aesthetic standards of society. I feel insecure about my appearance, and although health consciousness is engraved in my head, ED has become a habit.
My boyfriend knows about ED and he is actively helping me to adopt a healthy lifestyle.
WangWanng/ Age: 23 / KCL MA/ ED time:7 years/Stage: Recover
I became aware of my ED about six months ago.
I am now ripped, thin and then fat again. I used to be 110 pounds before, which I thought was an average weight, but I suffered from verbal violence in high school, where people around me would comment that I had thick legs, and they would say that I was pretty but just had too thick legs. I also thought I had wide legs because I couldn't buy trousers that fit them. In February last year, my friend wanted me to wear her pants, and I knew before I even tried them on that I was sure they wouldn't fit. Unsurprisingly, I really couldn't fit into these trousers, and this incident triggered me to start losing weight just by not eating dinner. By the time the epidemic hit, I was staying at home and not going out, which created a perfect environment for dieting.
I controlled my calorie intake to around 1,200 calories a day, and my physiology was severely affected by overreading the diet, which is when I realised that long-term dieting was hurting my body. Then I got sick when I arrived in the UK, and my intestines lost their ability to digest, and the doctors started forcing me with medication to help me digest. During this time, I had to eat only liquid food and went from active to passive dieting. I realised that I might not be able to eat correctly for the rest of my life if I continued like this, so after I recovered, I started eating normally. However, I would occasionally have binge eating episodes and reassure myself that I was having a craving because I used to be too controlling and needed to take in a lot of nutrients. The frequency of binge eating was about once a week.<br>Once. My taste buds are turned on. I can't stop.
External aesthetics were the most direct cause of my eating disorder.
I used to confide in my best friend at the time about this pain, but it was not understood, and my friend thought I was spreading negativity instead.
Zoe/ Age: 20-30 / UCL MA/ ED time: 5 years/Stage: Normal
In my first semester of undergraduate studies, I joined a dance company where all the girls were skinny, and I felt fat and slow compared to them. I felt like every time I emptied my stomach, and I felt clean. At first, I thought I was the only one who was like this, but then I found overeating and vomiting posts on the internet and found that many people were like me and had been overeating and vomiting. One girl would upload her food diary daily; if she didn't devour that day, she would write "clean". I sometimes post my thoughts online to encourage other girls not to use binge eating to solve their problems. I stopped posting on that thread afterwards. I could feel that one of my roommates knew of my condition, but she didn't talk to me about it. I didn't think about seeking counselling, and I thought I would get better later.
My mum didn't understand eating disorders, so she thought I just had a sour stomach, and when I emptied the fridge at home, she thought I just ate severely at school. She was a doctor but didn't realise I had a mental illness. I was just advised to go to the hospital to check my bowels. She cooked heavily and would force me to eat, thinking that eating less was terrible for my studies. When I was in high school, I weighed 65kg, and she still considered me the same, and I felt bad because if my relatives found out we weighed so much, they would judge me. So I planned to go to university in another city and get serious about losing weight.
I was using a calorie counting app (Mint App) for a while, and other users would share their extreme diet recipes in the community, and I felt so stressed that I uninstalled it.
Then I stopped being disgusted with myself when I received an offer to study in the UK. The general environment changed when I arrived in the UK, and I gradually returned to a regular diet.
When I came to the UK at the age of 15, they made mean comments about my size because I was taller than some of the boys, which made me feel inferior, so I started extreme dieting in April 2021. I was 75kg at my heaviest before. Then I dieted for too long. I started overeating and then dieting again. While dieting, I would lose sleep and stay up all night to buy food at the supermarket.
I used to love buying snacks, but I didn't eat them. I just hoarded them. Then one night, I suddenly ate all two boxes of desserts. Then I started to "chew and spit, " meaning I would just chew the food but not swallow it. I would buy two big bags of food and chew and spit for three hours. For a while, I did this every day.
Quite a few of my friends knew about it, and I think my family knew about it too. My dad was distraught when he saw me not eating, he would buy a bunch of things and force me to eat them, but when I didn't want to eat, he would get furious and drop items. My mum would take me for walks and to the hospital for a medical check-up. They didn't know that I had a mental illness.
When I want to overeat, I talk to my boyfriend and take him with me to eat so I feel better, and he comforts me and makes me happy.
I occasionally crave but don't overeat as much as I used to. I have a weight loss partner, and we talk about what we eat daily, but she fills in less often than I do. She only eats 4-5 strawberries and a small piece of cake daily.
My worst binge was in 2021, when I was still on lockdown, alone in the UK, and it was very much like eating, but now I feel much better with my friends and boyfriend.
My habit is that I don't eat if I have a date with friends that day, so I starve myself for the day. I had a friend who had a dinner date for her birthday, and I was so hungry that day that I ate a lot of food.
I used to be particularly anxious because of my weight, and if my weight went up, I couldn't do anything but lie in bed all day.
I used to confide in a male friend about this pain, but he said, "You're in your 20s, and you can't even control what you eat. What's the difference between you and a beast?" He also said, "Do you think you'll look good if you're skinny? But I don't think you'll look good if you're skinny." It's better to talk to girls about this. Guys rarely manage to empathise.
I did ask for counselling, but the caller just asked my height and weight and told me I wasn't fat. It didn't help me.
Then I realised I could lose weight quickly even if I gained it, so I became less obsessed with it and started eating normally again. Also, if I had to skip a dinner with my family and friends because of my weight, it would impact my mental health.
Ye / Age:24 / Blog Creative/ ED time: 1 year/Stage: Normal
When I first came to the UK, I lived alone in a student flat 95% of the time and ate very little during the day. I was eating healthily at home, but when I came to the UK, I liked to eat chips and drink alcohol, and I started to get acne on my face. I have been adjusting my diet since then, but the symptoms on my face have not improved, or maybe it has something to do with my mood and sleep. I would overeat at night and eat nuts and biscuits, but I would just chew them and not swallow them. I've done this a few nights and find it a bit unbelievable. The reason for the overeating was because of loneliness. The year I lived alone, the insomnia was terrible.
I had contact with a GP and chatted online on average once a week, but that didn't solve the problem because my family and boyfriend were away. That feeling of loneliness was something I couldn't dispel. I take socialising very seriously because when I'm alone at home, my diet is very superficial, and I eat as little as possible. But when I went out to eat, I ate more; that was my usual amount of food. My friends envied me. They thought I ate so much and didn't gain weight. I told them it was actually because I ate less when I was at home.
I haven't hyperventilated because I can't pick it up. On the one hand, I wish I could be subjective about being anorexic because I am a big foodie. During that time, all I could think about was eating all the time, which took up much of my energy. Being in control of my weight was one of the only things I could do during that time.
I came to the UK in October 2020, and for a long time after that, the UK was in lockdown, most public places were closed, and I had nowhere to go.
I get pleasure from being in control of my food, and although eating makes you produce dopamine, I feel guilty afterwards. I think it was because I followed a rigorously healthy diet the year before I went abroad, and I loved it, but it also caused me physical problems. I went to the hospital many times to get checked out. Nothing serious, really, just a bit of an endocrine disorder. I had extreme weight loss in my third year of undergraduate study and was hospitalised after suffering from inflammation caused by malnutrition. This was a cautionary tale; I haven't lost weight since. My family knew I was in the hospital but couldn't understand what was happening.
Then I got a job and lived with my boyfriend, I was no longer alone, and my eating disorder gradually disappeared. When I first came to the UK, I lived alone in a student flat 95% of the time and ate very little during the day. I was eating healthy at home, but when I came to the UK, I enjoyed eating chips and drinking alcohol, and I started to get acne on my face. I have since adjusted my diet, but the symptoms on my face have not improved, or maybe it has something to do with my mood and sleep. I would overeat at night and eat nuts and biscuits, but I would just chew them and not swallow them. I've done this a few nights and find it a bit unbelievable. The reason for the overeating was because of loneliness. The year I lived alone, the insomnia was terrible.
I had contact with a GP and chatted online on average once a week, but that didn't solve the problem because my family and boyfriend weren't around. That feeling of loneliness was something I couldn't dispel. I take socialising very seriously because when I'm alone at home, my diet is very superficial, and I eat as little as possible. But when I went out to eat, I ate more. That was my average amount of food. My friends envied me. They felt I ate so much and didn't gain weight. I told them it was actually because I ate less when I was at home.
I haven't hyperventilated because I can't pick it up. On the one hand, I wish I could be subjective about being anorexic because I am a big foodie. During that time, all I could think about was eating all the time, which took up much of my energy. Being in control of my weight was one of the only things I could do during that time.
I came to the UK in October 2020, and for a long time after that, the UK was in lockdown, most public places were closed, and I had nowhere to go.
I get pleasure from being in control of my food, and although eating makes you produce dopamine, I feel guilty afterwards. I think it was because I followed a rigorously healthy diet the year before I went abroad and loved it, but it also caused me physical problems. I went to the hospital many times to get checked out. Nothing serious, really, just a bit of an endocrine disorder. I had extreme weight loss in my third year of undergraduate study and was hospitalised after suffering from inflammation caused by malnutrition. This was a cautionary tale; I haven't lost weight since. My family knew I was in the hospital but couldn't understand what was happening.
Later on, I got a job and lived with my boyfriend, I was no longer alone, and my eating disorder gradually disappeared.
Xue/ Age:24 / Queen Mary/ ED time: 7 years/Stage: Recover
I started to develop an eating disorder in high school, and my experience would be the same as most people, starting with weight loss and evolving into overeating. My friend had the same experience. My dad didn't know it was a mental illness and didn't know I was hyperventilating and secretly taking diet pills. I was so emotionally unstable after each binge that I cried all the time and couldn't continue my studies. I was under constant psychological pressure because I thought I had to take the entrance exams. My parents were very critical of the details of life.
I started receiving counselling at the age of 18 and still do occasionally. I have attended Chinese and British counselling, and there is a big difference. In China, the doctors encourage me to live with my emotions, whereas, in the UK, they offer 'CPT' therapy, which is about changing the way you think about food on a cognitive level, which is a bit like the line from Friends: "It's food, not love. It's food, not love. A big difference between a psychiatrist and a counsellor in that the doctor is more interested in the 'criteria' by which they define what stage you are at. If they feel you are not socially competent, they will prescribe medication. In their eyes, it's the same principle as a physical illness. I've been voluntarily hospitalised for an eating disorder, where I was in a state of panic. The reason I wanted to be actively hospitalised was that I could actively work out while I was there.
My mother is a rigorous person who keeps everything in order around the house but has trouble noticing changes in my mood. Influenced by my mum, I am also a strict person, and it makes me feel bad that my eating disorder affects my daily life so much.
The reason for my ED is that I am too much of a perfectionist, and I am desperate for external approval also because I was doing things that could match what I wanted, such as getting the body I wanted by losing weight.
Then because of my ED, I took a break from school and returned home and met a great counsellor who would give me positive guidance and help from my friends. Now I have recovered.
Dina/ Age:23 / Auditor/ ED time: 9 years/Stage: Sick-Incident
My eating disorder has been a state that has been coming on in phases since I was in middle school. I started dieting in junior high school and continued until I got to the weight I wanted to be when I started overeating again. All my friends around me were skinny, which put pressure on me internally to keep my body under control. For example, yesterday we went to a friend's house for dinner, and my friend gave me a bag of chips, and my boyfriend told me I could only have one. At home, he would not allow me to eat snacks.
I weighed 57kg in junior high school. I lost weight to 50-53kg. Then I gained it back in high school because of the pressure of studying. I worked out every day but couldn't control what I ate. I could eat a big pot of potato stew and a whole packet of Oreo biscuits at night in addition to my three meals. When I was a freshman, the girls in my dorm were all tall and skinny, which put a lot of pressure on me. I wanted to be a model at the time, so I controlled my diet. Models are very strict about their bodies, and I had health problems because of dieting, and my periods were always irregular.
Now I still work out all the time, but I eat very casually and don't control my diet on purpose. However, I signed up for a modelling course some time ago, and during that period, I could only eat two meals a day, very little at a time, a little staple and an apple for lunch and five dumplings for dinner. My boyfriend later persuaded me to stop modelling and not torture myself like this. I also felt I couldn't accept exposing my life, so I put the idea to rest.
And then my perception changed. "You are what you eat." Eating sensibly will make you healthier. I would watch diet vlogs and be more at peace with food, more comfortable enjoying it than fighting it. I want to be what I like aesthetically more than I want to "be a model".
My boyfriend doesn't stop me from dieting; he likes thin girls. I didn't have a lot of validation of my worth, he was older and had more life experience than me, and he influenced me to be hard on myself and others without realising it. It wasn't until one day, after persuasion from my friend, that I realised I didn't know myself fully. I wanted to identify with myself, find empathy and find my worth.
Xinran/ Age:25 / Landscape designer/ ED time: 6 years/Stage: Recover-Normal-Sick
Because I feel lost in my life plans and career pressure, I eat dessert to vent my frustration, but then I feel guilty afterwards. At the most out-of-control moments, I would eat dessert as a meal. At the same time, one would feel empty, lie alone in a room for a long time, and record self-talk videos.
"I can realise that this is not normal, but without a job, there is no solution, there is uncertainty about the future, the in-country roles and no guidance advice from my parents, but there are also very few job opportunities in the UK, so I plan to back home first."
After returning to the UK, the mood has improved, but there is still eating disorder behaviour as the behavioural mechanism has come to regard 'eating' as a form of comfort. The state was poor, and no social interaction created a vicious circle.
After work, because of the long hours of sitting, sometimes from the morning onwards, I would start looking for food, constantly opening drawers to find something to eat to stay awake. The act of "eating" keeps me "alive".
Lack of "security". I want my work to be meaningful and worthwhile, emotionally stable, and income.
External aesthetics don't affect me much, although I judge myself. Because amiable friends surrounded me, later, when I returned home, my family brought up with me the need to manage my appearance, and the fitness trainer would talk to me about body management. But after work, I didn't care too much. After work, because there was a certain amount of social behaviour and linking with the outside world, it started to taper off. But when I get home from work, I start to overeat again.
I think "eating" is a relaxing activity, and I don't overeat in public to maintain a standard image. My negative emotions tend to arise when I am alone, mainly because I doubt the value of my current job.
I am much less stressed now that I am home with my family and have a routine for New Year.
Writing becomes a departure point for emotions.
No one knows ED
X/ Age:26 / Architect/ ED time: 7 years/Stage: Recover
I was so stressed out in high school that I dieted to lose weight after my senior year and wanted to eat carbs under a long diet until I couldn't eat anymore. Then I threw up and kept eating until I was tired. It was just weird. I regretted eating them after I finished the carbs. I got what I had to do done every day back then and then relaxed my mind by overeating. Eating would bring me joy, but it didn't make me feel relaxed.
My family and friends didn't know I had an eating disorder. Many reasons trigger my ED: aesthetic standards, internal stress (fear of gaining weight) and anxiety. I loved cooking and eating, which was one of the things that later led to my overeating.
Once I was in a situation that I didn't like, I would 'punish' myself by eating. I started overeating after leaving the country, initially to relieve my emotions, and then it became a habit. I then read papers on the subject, realised that eating disorders are psychological illnesses, and treated myself by understanding them. I also saw a psychiatrist and underwent CPT for 6-8 weeks to track what I ate daily, but it did not work.
The last time I binge ate was six months ago. I had lived alone for a long time and felt disconnected from society, which led to my inability to eat properly. Then I started working, working out every day, living with my boyfriend and being exposed to a new environment, my situation improved, and I slowly stopped overeating.
Johanna/ Age:24 / UCL MA/ ED time: 4 years/Stage: Sick
I started my eating disorder in 2019; before that, I started exercising to keep in shape, I didn't eat any fried food, and once I overate, I would hyperventilate. It constantly alternated between binge eating and dieting, and I couldn't help myself. Then I stopped exercising but kept to a healthy diet.
My boyfriend cheated on my best friend only the year before last. I couldn't accept this and started to self-loath. I stayed in my room, ordered eight takeaways daily, and ate mechanically.
My family and friends didn't know about it, and I felt I would become more stressed if I told them.
Overeating has become a habit, and I never go to the GP.
The latest binge was last Thursday.
I've started exercising again, and hopefully, I'll return to eating normally soon.I started my eating disorder in 2019; before that, I started exercising to keep in shape, I didn't eat any fried food, and once I overate, I would hyperventilate. It constantly alternated between binge eating and dieting, and I couldn't help myself. Then I stopped exercising but kept to a healthy diet.
My boyfriend cheated on my best friend only the year before last. I couldn't accept this and started to self-loath. I stayed in my room, ordered eight takeaways daily, and ate mechanically.
My family and friends didn't know about it, and I felt I would become more stressed if I told them.
Overeating has become a habit, and I never go to the GP.
The latest binge was last Thursday.
I've started exercising again, and hopefully, I'll return to eating normally soon.
Grace/ Age:27 / Westminster MA/ ED time:7 years/Stage: Normal
It started from my first year of school to my first year of college. I had misconceptions about my body image in primary school when I saw a girl in my class with skinny legs who looked good in skinny jeans, I told my mum about this, and she was surprised at the time, saying that this girl was fatter than you. My parents half-jokingly said I had a big butt, thick legs and a nose like a garlic head. But actually, my nose has nothing to do with a garlic nose. But I believed it because my perception of myself as an adolescent was based on other people's comments, comments that made me think my body was ugly and made me very much without myself, so I would wear fat clothes to cover myself up at that time.
Then I had an illness and dropped to 44kg. Everyone said I had lost weight and wanted to keep it off, I was at about 45kg before that, and it had nothing to do with being fat. I started counting calories when I ate and asked myself to eat less than 1000 calories daily. In the morning, I would only eat oatmeal or red bean and barley porridge, which are high in fibre, at school and only eat a little bit of food. This state of affairs was maintained, and my weight stabilised at under 45kg.
Then I started overeating, eating a lot at a time, but at the end of each session, I would feel ashamed of my behaviour, and when I was at home, I would sneak snacks from the living room or dining room to my room to eat, then take the bag out in my school bag and throw it away. I also had conflicts with my parents over my diet. On the one hand, they wanted me to stay in shape; on the other, they wanted me to eat more, so they kept pushing me to work out, but I didn't have enough time to exercise in junior high. I needed to go to class, do my homework and play the piano. I would sneak off to the toilet to throw up after eating at home, which included the supplements my mother gave me, like fish oil and vitamins, because I thought they were too high in calories. I was always hungry during the day and would sneak in a lot of food at night. I saw one of those overeating posts on the internet where people would buy laxatives, so I went to the pharmacy to purchase laxatives too. The doctor ordered me to take 2-3 tablets at a time, but I was afraid the food wouldn't go out, so I took 7-8 tablets. I would go to the bathroom often at night because of the overdose, and this abnormal behaviour made my parents feel strange. Then they went through my school bag and found the laxatives, which triggered an argument, and they told me that if I retook them, I would not be allowed to study abroad. I never retook these strong laxatives, but I did take enzymes.
When I arrived in the UK, I couldn't help but eat a lot of chocolate and peanut butter bread in the dormitory. After I ate a lot, I would start dieting, then overeating and then dieting again, and the cycle continued. When I was eating in the canteen, my classmate said I ate very little, and I thought she was mocking me. I was so angry that I slammed my plate on the table and left at that moment, and later my classmate apologised to me. I was very unstable and argued with my roommate and broke things.
Later, when I moved to another school, my eating was still very disordered, and I was emotionally unstable, often getting into conflicts with my classmates. My endocrine system was probably not standard then, and I was in a very aggressive mood all the time. At the same time, I had problems with my digestion and had difficulty digesting food.
By my undergraduate years, I had eaten a lot or very little and never ate right. When I was at parties with friends, all I could think about was returning to the hostel and eating a lot. I felt ashamed of eating. Later on, I fell in love, and my partner at the time gave me a lot of encouragement to adjust my diet to a normal state. I occasionally eat a lot when in a bad mood, but I don't feel as guilty as I used to.
Yuan/ Age:23 / Birmingham MA/ ED time: 5 years/Stage: Sick
I started in 2018 because of dieting to lose weight, but then I couldn't control it and started overeating. Now I have an eating disorder, alternating between dieting and filling, and I no longer know how to eat correctly. Also, because of academic stress, and emotional problems, eating has become an outlet.
This behavioural decompression of eating and the feeling of food filling my stomach comforted me.
My friends and family knew about my situation but couldn't understand it.
I had counselling and had relief from ED, but it didn't last, then read some books on the subject.
Feelings of guilt and self-loathing about overeating.
External aesthetic factors are the main reason for my eating disorder.
Lychee/ Age:27 / Bank teller/ ED time:3 years/Stage: Recover
I know what hunger feels like, but I don't understand what fullness means. For an average person's diet, a bowl of spicy ramen noodles can be complete, but I need to know what amount is correct, and I want to eat many things at a meal. For example, when I eat spicy ramen noodles, I will put a lot of balls and vegetables in them, and I will even meet half a roast chicken, cake, fruit, drinks and chips. On top of that, I have a very irregular eating schedule.
My weight was 60kg, an average height, but my body fat percentage was very high, so I started to lose weight the wrong way - by dieting excessively. But the longer I suppressed my appetite, the more I wanted to eat, and finally, one day, it backfired on me, and I started eating non-stop.
Later on, feeling anxious about recruiting for work or emotional problems, there were so many things in my life that I couldn't control that I had to keep eating.
Food satisfied me, and I grew up very thin and ate very little. Many things were out of my control when I was living alone or by the time I was older. Eating is the easiest way for me to get pleasure. Sometimes when I was looking at my phone, I would swipe to some eating podcasts and cooking videos, and I was such a good cook that I would follow the videos and learn how to cook, and it slowly turned into overeating.
Personal stress was the leading cause of my eating disorder, both emotionally and at work.
My family didn't know about ED, but my friends knew, and they worried about me. They would take me to dinner with them and help me adjust my diet. It wasn't until last year that I learned what a regular diet was and that it needed protein, vitamins and carbohydrates. It might also have something to do with our diet, where carbohydrates make up a large part of the Asian diet, so I ignored protein and vitamins. I also started adjusting my meal sizes because I didn't know what it was like to be complete, so I changed my meals to my daily weight.
I can feel myself getting better every day, I've been under a lot of pressure, but I can feel myself improving, and I'm happy every day.
Directed by Paul McLean Words by Camille Rainville Narrated by Cynthia Nixon Produced by Claire Rothstein Post by mini CONTENT Music by Louis Souyave
Be a lady they said. Your skirt is too short. Your shirt is too low. Don’t show so much skin. Cover up. Leave something to the imagination. Don’t be a temptress. Men can’t control themselves. Men have needs. Look sexy. Look hot. Don’t be so provocative. You’re asking for it. Wear black. Wear heels. You’re too dressed up. You’re too dressed down. You look like you’ve let yourself go.
Be a lady they said. Don’t be too fat. Don’t be too thin. Eat up. Slim down. Stop eating so much. Order a salad. Don’t eat carbs. Skip dessert. Go on a diet. God, you look like a skeleton. Why don’t you just eat? You look emaciated. You look sick. Men like women with some meat on their bones. Be a size zero. Be a double zero. Be nothing. Be less than nothing.
Be a lady they said. Remove your body hair. Bleach this. Bleach that. Eradicate your scars. Cover your stretch marks. Plump your lips. Botox your wrinkles. Lift your face. Tuck your tummy. Perk up your boobs. Look natural. You’re trying too hard. You look overdone. Men don’t like girls who try too hard.
Be a lady they said. Wear makeup. Highlight your cheekbones. Line your lids. Fill in your brows. Lengthen your lashes. Colour your lips. Powder, blush, bronze, highlight. Your hair is too short. Dye your hair. Not blue, that looks unnatural. Look young. Old is ugly. Men don’t like ugly.
Be a lady they said. Save yourself. Be pure. Don’t be a whore. Don’t sleep around. Men don’t like sluts. Don’t be a prude. Don’t be so up tight. Smile more. Pleasure men. Be experienced. Be sexual. Be innocent. Be dirty. Be the cool girl. Don’t be like the other girls.
Be a lady they said. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t talk too much. Don’t be intimidating. Why are you so miserable? Don’t be a bitch. Don’t be so bossy. Don’t be so emotional. Don’t cry. Don’t yell. Don’t swear. Endure the pain. Don’t complain. Fold his clothes. Cook his dinner. Keep him happy. That’s a woman’s job. You’ll make a good wife some day. Take his last name. You hyphenated your name? Crazy feminist. Give him children. You don’t want children? You will some day. You’ll change your mind.
Be a lady they said. Don’t get raped. Don’t drink too much. Don’t walk alone. Don’t go out too late. Don’t dress like that. Don’t get drunk. Don’t smile at strangers. Don’t go out at night. Don’t trust anyone. Don’t say yes. Don’t say no.
In the series “One”, often referred to as his “Guerrilla Tea” series, he presents photographs in which randomly selected guests, from a variety of cultural worlds and backgrounds, is invited and shown sharing a bowl of Tea.
Utilizing a stylized Japanese Tea Room in the shape of a cube, in which he performs traditional Tea ceremonies, Sernet plays on the juxtaposition of out-of-context and apparently incompatible cultures or environments.
With the cube being used as a conceptual space, Sernet invites viewers to place their own set of cultural, spiritual, religious or philosophical values within it.
The purpose is to have audiences question the cube’s opposition or similarities to the diverse environment in which it is placed and have viewers see each of these spaces in a new and different way, ultimately showing that these seemingly different and incompatible worlds are in fact based on similar universal values that can enable seemingly different worlds to cohabit together.
So they told me the rules, “do this” they said. And I did, and their rules crushed my heart. So me and my heart, we made our own rules, and I put my heart in front of you now, and I dare to love. And I say “do this” -Glen Taylor, 2022/11/15
Artist Glen Taylor soldiers ridges of metal to porcelain fragments, completing a halved teacup or broken saucer with a range of unusual materials: barbed wire, tarnished silverware, old book pages, and multicoloured twine form a portion of the household objects. Each intervention contrasts the pristine, delicate qualities of the porcelain with visible rust, unwieldy strings, and patchwork metals.
A cabinetmaker for much of his life, Taylor originally worked with pottery but found it limiting until he started breaking his ceramics into pieces. “I had read about the ancient art of Kintsugi and decades before I had learned how to copper foil and solder stained glass windows. All of a sudden I felt the emotional expressive range was infinite,” he writes. A Japanese art form, Kintsugi is the process of fixing broken pottery and celebrating the repairs, rather than try to hide them.
Now, Taylor gathers materials at auctions and estate sales, choosing pieces that spur an emotional response or nostalgia for his childhood, although some objects have a more personal connection. “For years, I have had my grandmother’s dishes in the attic, wondering what to do with them,” he says. “My mother died last year and so I have let the grieving process appear when it needs to. I released a lot of emotions about my mother when I started breaking the dishes that she grew up with.”
The artist tells Colossal that the broken pieces also are symbolic of imperfection. “As I began mending and recreating my broken pottery, the personal therapy and healing became the whole point,” he says. “I reached an age where I began sorting through the emotional baggage of my life, and the elements for my work became apparent.”
